Bumper stickers: Pedestrian Literature
What is this fetish people have with plastering their car bumpers with stickers? Trying to draw attention to a cause? Just like giving people behind you something to read?
I’ve never liked bumper stickers. When I first got my driver’s license, my mother would let me use her car, which had an “I (heart) Aruba” bumper sticker on it. Apparently, these stickers tell people a lot about who you are as a person, because everytime I picked someone up for the first time, I got “Oh, you’ve been to Aruba?” (I’m just glad it wasn’t an “I (heart) Amish Country” sticker…I can hear it now…”Hey, what’s your beef with electricity?”)
Bumper stickers are too topical. I sometimes laugh when I see cars on the road that still have “Re-Elect Bush, ’88.” (As if he had a chance against Clinton after that Arsenio jam session.) Do you really want the world to know that you backed the wrong horse? This also goes for everyone with “Kerry for President” stickers. These things freeze your car in one time in history. “Quit living in the past, man!” And why are they so hard to get off? The glue they use on these stickers could be used to fix leaks in dams. You ever try to pull a bumper sticker off? Not gonna happen!
I love the people who have 500 stickers. You know, the world travellers. (“Vermont Rules”, “Water Country”, etc.) Then you have the people who not only have them all over their bumper, but also on their rear windshield, too. Reminds of a great cartoon I saw, where a guy accidentally backed into another car. He turns to the guy he hit and says “Sorry, I couldn’t see where I was going, because of all the places I’ve been.” He points to his winshield, covered in stickers. (yuk, yuk, yuk)
So, what are the most common stickers? Well, let’s see:
Anti-Bush stickers
Boy, what a cash cow! As long as he’s in office, you can just keep churning these out.
“My child is an on the honor roll at (insert school here)”
The only problem here, is that cars sometimes get passed on to other people in the family. So, you could have your 75-year old grandmother driving that car. “Your child is on the honor roll? Isn’t he in his 40s? What’s the matter with him?”
“Keep honking. I’m reloading.”
Ha! Pure wit!
“Ayuh, I’ve been to Maine”
I never got this one, but I see it everywhere. Is that how they talk in Maine? How come they don’t make one that says “Dude, I’ve been to every bah in Beantown!”
The religious-themed ones
My favorite: “No God, no Peace. Know God, Know Peace.”
“My other car is a horse”
Funny once. On repeat viewings? Not so much.
And here’s a few that are good for a chuckle:
A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?
God is Coming and is she PISSED.
If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!
If we call it tourist season why can't we shoot them?
Jesus is coming. Look busy.
I once wrote a bumper sticker myself:
“If you can read this, you’re not watching the road!”
Too witty?
I’ve never liked bumper stickers. When I first got my driver’s license, my mother would let me use her car, which had an “I (heart) Aruba” bumper sticker on it. Apparently, these stickers tell people a lot about who you are as a person, because everytime I picked someone up for the first time, I got “Oh, you’ve been to Aruba?” (I’m just glad it wasn’t an “I (heart) Amish Country” sticker…I can hear it now…”Hey, what’s your beef with electricity?”)
Bumper stickers are too topical. I sometimes laugh when I see cars on the road that still have “Re-Elect Bush, ’88.” (As if he had a chance against Clinton after that Arsenio jam session.) Do you really want the world to know that you backed the wrong horse? This also goes for everyone with “Kerry for President” stickers. These things freeze your car in one time in history. “Quit living in the past, man!” And why are they so hard to get off? The glue they use on these stickers could be used to fix leaks in dams. You ever try to pull a bumper sticker off? Not gonna happen!
I love the people who have 500 stickers. You know, the world travellers. (“Vermont Rules”, “Water Country”, etc.) Then you have the people who not only have them all over their bumper, but also on their rear windshield, too. Reminds of a great cartoon I saw, where a guy accidentally backed into another car. He turns to the guy he hit and says “Sorry, I couldn’t see where I was going, because of all the places I’ve been.” He points to his winshield, covered in stickers. (yuk, yuk, yuk)
So, what are the most common stickers? Well, let’s see:
Anti-Bush stickers
Boy, what a cash cow! As long as he’s in office, you can just keep churning these out.
“My child is an on the honor roll at (insert school here)”
The only problem here, is that cars sometimes get passed on to other people in the family. So, you could have your 75-year old grandmother driving that car. “Your child is on the honor roll? Isn’t he in his 40s? What’s the matter with him?”
“Keep honking. I’m reloading.”
Ha! Pure wit!
“Ayuh, I’ve been to Maine”
I never got this one, but I see it everywhere. Is that how they talk in Maine? How come they don’t make one that says “Dude, I’ve been to every bah in Beantown!”
The religious-themed ones
My favorite: “No God, no Peace. Know God, Know Peace.”
“My other car is a horse”
Funny once. On repeat viewings? Not so much.
And here’s a few that are good for a chuckle:
A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest?
God is Coming and is she PISSED.
If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!
If we call it tourist season why can't we shoot them?
Jesus is coming. Look busy.
I once wrote a bumper sticker myself:
“If you can read this, you’re not watching the road!”
Too witty?
posted by Glenn at 2:45 PM
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