The boy who cried "wolf"
Ah, spring.
The warmer weather. The snow melting away. The days getting longer. The ‘just-returned-from-the-south’ geese leaving their presents all over my work parking lot.
Ugh. How gross is this? I don’t know what these geese do when they go away for the winter, but I’m sure one of the things they do is EAT. Because when they get back, they leave their droppings on every square inch of the pavement. Just to walk from my car to the front door is like walking through a minefield in Vietnam.
The higher-ups at my company decied to put some lawn ornaments out on the grass right next to the door. They’re these life-size wolf statues. Apparently, the geese see the ‘wolves’ and dissappear really quickly.
I wish they had warned me. If I’m not wearing my glasses, I can’t see very far away. So, I’m strolling to the front door, trying to avoid the “mines”, when suddenly…there’s a freaking wolf standing by the door! I think to myself, “Nah, it’s gotta be just a really big dog”…so I inch closer…no, it’s a wolf! I look to my left and see…another wolf! And I swear, I am not making this up, in my ‘not-wearing-my-glasses, kinda-blurry’ state, I thought I saw the thing move! Now I’m confused as hell. “Wolves? What the hell are wolves doing here? When did we move the company to the Yukon?”
So I say “Screw this!” and I walk around to the back door. I’m just about to run up and tell someone about the predators outside the door, when the woman who sits next to me goes “Great new wolf statues, huh? No more goose s***!”
Being the quick thinker that I am, I said ”Oh, sure, I saw the wolf STATUES. They’re really cool wolf STATUES. What a great idea, placing wolf STATUES outside.” Then I do the fakest laugh I can, walk to my desk and sit down.
I’m taking this one to the grave. And I ask my fellow readers to please respect my stupidity and do the same.
The warmer weather. The snow melting away. The days getting longer. The ‘just-returned-from-the-south’ geese leaving their presents all over my work parking lot.
Ugh. How gross is this? I don’t know what these geese do when they go away for the winter, but I’m sure one of the things they do is EAT. Because when they get back, they leave their droppings on every square inch of the pavement. Just to walk from my car to the front door is like walking through a minefield in Vietnam.
The higher-ups at my company decied to put some lawn ornaments out on the grass right next to the door. They’re these life-size wolf statues. Apparently, the geese see the ‘wolves’ and dissappear really quickly.
I wish they had warned me. If I’m not wearing my glasses, I can’t see very far away. So, I’m strolling to the front door, trying to avoid the “mines”, when suddenly…there’s a freaking wolf standing by the door! I think to myself, “Nah, it’s gotta be just a really big dog”…so I inch closer…no, it’s a wolf! I look to my left and see…another wolf! And I swear, I am not making this up, in my ‘not-wearing-my-glasses, kinda-blurry’ state, I thought I saw the thing move! Now I’m confused as hell. “Wolves? What the hell are wolves doing here? When did we move the company to the Yukon?”
So I say “Screw this!” and I walk around to the back door. I’m just about to run up and tell someone about the predators outside the door, when the woman who sits next to me goes “Great new wolf statues, huh? No more goose s***!”
Being the quick thinker that I am, I said ”Oh, sure, I saw the wolf STATUES. They’re really cool wolf STATUES. What a great idea, placing wolf STATUES outside.” Then I do the fakest laugh I can, walk to my desk and sit down.
I’m taking this one to the grave. And I ask my fellow readers to please respect my stupidity and do the same.
posted by Glenn at 10:15 AM
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