"If I've Ever..." (A college drinking game flashback)
Who likes drinking games?
I'm not a really big drinker, but I admit that I enjoy a good drinking game. In all honesty, I think I've been drunk maybe twice in my whole life, and both times it was purely by accident. I never set out with the intention to get completely bombed, but if I have too many shots (the culprit both times), things happen fast.
This past Sunday, I went to my cousin's house for a birthday party for his roommate. I ran into a kid that I couldn't quite place, but I was sure I recognized him. Turns out we went to high school together. Apparently he's kept in touch with my cousin all these years (my cousin also went to high school with me).
So, we're talking, catching up, just shooting the breeze and we started reminiscing about days at good 'ole Central Catholic High School. He started talking about all the drinking games he used to play in high school and college and it brought back some hilarious memories of my own early experiences playing drinking games.
So, with that said, here's a flashback from my UMASS days:
There's a game called "If I've Ever..." (A few years later when I played this one at an MVP cast party, it was now called "Never Have I Ever.") For those of you unfamiliar with this game, the rules are simple. Everyone sits in a circle with a drink; one person makes a statement like "If I've Ever…done it in an elevator, drink up." Anyone who HAS done that deed, takes a drink. If nobody in the circle has done it, then everyone drinks. Simple, right? I’m assuming the strategy here (go ahead and use "strategy" and "drinking game" in the same sentence, I dare you) is to come up with something so outrageous that nobody will have done it and then everyone must drink. The whole game is like an alcohol-laced version of "Truth or Dare." (Yeah, it's usually a sexually-themed game...here's a hint, folks...ALL drinking games are sexually themed. Just an FYI.)
So, we were playing one night...now, I need to tell you about a girl...we'll call her "Nancy." (I'm not sure why I have to use a fake name, I highly doubt any of you know her, but what the hell.) Nancy was a friend through the theater department, and every guy in the room used to make an ass of themselves in front of her trying to impress her, but she saw through them all, as Bart Simpson would say, "like Grandma's underpants."
Nancy was an intimidating figure all around. She was arguably the best singer in the department, an incredible dancer, and had an unbelieveable stage prescence as an actress. In addition to being a singer, dancer and actress, she was also a director, choreographer, part-time teacher, softball coach, and a speaker of three languages. Oh, and she looked amazing in a short skirt.
So, anyway, one night we're sitting there playing "If I've Ever...", and after a round or two, Nancy asked if she could join in. "Absolutely!", said every guy in the room. And so we get to it. The craziness ensues..."If I've Ever...gone streaking, drink up." "If I've Ever...done it in a car, drink up." If I've Ever...gone skinny-dipping, drink up."
It didn't take long for the statements to get more and more off the wall. Some of the more colorful ones I recall were "If I've Ever…done it on a motorcycle; …had someone videotape me (AHEM!); …used whipped cream or syrup; …done it on the roof, etc." (The roof?? Give me a break!) So the game's moving along, and by a certain pont, after each new statement, at least one person every round would turn to a person who just drank and utter something like "You did that?!" or "Ewwwwww!"
I started watching Nancy to see just when she drank….well, she drank on the first round, then the second….then the third…then the fourth…(time passes)….then the 14th, then the 15th….(time passes)…then the 25th, then the 26th….you get the idea. I don’t think she didn’t drink once. My initial thought was "Yeah, right, she’s gotta be lying about this." But then "Jennifer" (Nancy' friend) leaned over to me and said "Every word she's saying is true."
After about a half an hour the game was changing from "If I've Ever..." to "Things Nancy Does." I'm looking around the room at all the guys, with their jaws on the floor. Trust me, some of these statements towards the end were just plain crazy. You remember that list I mentioned earlier about all the skills Nancy had (coach, teacher, etc.)? Unless I misheard her, we could now add a few more to it…dominatrix, stripper and porno star.
Anyway, the game breaks up and I head home. A few days later, I wake up and head over to Sunday mass at the college chapel. As the mass is about to start, I hear a voice say "Please join us in our opening hymn..." I'm like. "I know that voice. Didn't I hear that same voice a few nights ago saying things like 'If I've Ever...performed a lapdance, drink up'? I look up, and you guessed it.....it's Nancy. She was leading the choir!
That was the longest mass of my life...wondering the whole time if the church was going to get struck by lightening.
I'm not a really big drinker, but I admit that I enjoy a good drinking game. In all honesty, I think I've been drunk maybe twice in my whole life, and both times it was purely by accident. I never set out with the intention to get completely bombed, but if I have too many shots (the culprit both times), things happen fast.
This past Sunday, I went to my cousin's house for a birthday party for his roommate. I ran into a kid that I couldn't quite place, but I was sure I recognized him. Turns out we went to high school together. Apparently he's kept in touch with my cousin all these years (my cousin also went to high school with me).
So, we're talking, catching up, just shooting the breeze and we started reminiscing about days at good 'ole Central Catholic High School. He started talking about all the drinking games he used to play in high school and college and it brought back some hilarious memories of my own early experiences playing drinking games.
So, with that said, here's a flashback from my UMASS days:
There's a game called "If I've Ever..." (A few years later when I played this one at an MVP cast party, it was now called "Never Have I Ever.") For those of you unfamiliar with this game, the rules are simple. Everyone sits in a circle with a drink; one person makes a statement like "If I've Ever…done it in an elevator, drink up." Anyone who HAS done that deed, takes a drink. If nobody in the circle has done it, then everyone drinks. Simple, right? I’m assuming the strategy here (go ahead and use "strategy" and "drinking game" in the same sentence, I dare you) is to come up with something so outrageous that nobody will have done it and then everyone must drink. The whole game is like an alcohol-laced version of "Truth or Dare." (Yeah, it's usually a sexually-themed game...here's a hint, folks...ALL drinking games are sexually themed. Just an FYI.)
So, we were playing one night...now, I need to tell you about a girl...we'll call her "Nancy." (I'm not sure why I have to use a fake name, I highly doubt any of you know her, but what the hell.) Nancy was a friend through the theater department, and every guy in the room used to make an ass of themselves in front of her trying to impress her, but she saw through them all, as Bart Simpson would say, "like Grandma's underpants."
Nancy was an intimidating figure all around. She was arguably the best singer in the department, an incredible dancer, and had an unbelieveable stage prescence as an actress. In addition to being a singer, dancer and actress, she was also a director, choreographer, part-time teacher, softball coach, and a speaker of three languages. Oh, and she looked amazing in a short skirt.
So, anyway, one night we're sitting there playing "If I've Ever...", and after a round or two, Nancy asked if she could join in. "Absolutely!", said every guy in the room. And so we get to it. The craziness ensues..."If I've Ever...gone streaking, drink up." "If I've Ever...done it in a car, drink up." If I've Ever...gone skinny-dipping, drink up."
It didn't take long for the statements to get more and more off the wall. Some of the more colorful ones I recall were "If I've Ever…done it on a motorcycle; …had someone videotape me (AHEM!); …used whipped cream or syrup; …done it on the roof, etc." (The roof?? Give me a break!) So the game's moving along, and by a certain pont, after each new statement, at least one person every round would turn to a person who just drank and utter something like "You did that?!" or "Ewwwwww!"
I started watching Nancy to see just when she drank….well, she drank on the first round, then the second….then the third…then the fourth…(time passes)….then the 14th, then the 15th….(time passes)…then the 25th, then the 26th….you get the idea. I don’t think she didn’t drink once. My initial thought was "Yeah, right, she’s gotta be lying about this." But then "Jennifer" (Nancy' friend) leaned over to me and said "Every word she's saying is true."
After about a half an hour the game was changing from "If I've Ever..." to "Things Nancy Does." I'm looking around the room at all the guys, with their jaws on the floor. Trust me, some of these statements towards the end were just plain crazy. You remember that list I mentioned earlier about all the skills Nancy had (coach, teacher, etc.)? Unless I misheard her, we could now add a few more to it…dominatrix, stripper and porno star.
Anyway, the game breaks up and I head home. A few days later, I wake up and head over to Sunday mass at the college chapel. As the mass is about to start, I hear a voice say "Please join us in our opening hymn..." I'm like. "I know that voice. Didn't I hear that same voice a few nights ago saying things like 'If I've Ever...performed a lapdance, drink up'? I look up, and you guessed it.....it's Nancy. She was leading the choir!
That was the longest mass of my life...wondering the whole time if the church was going to get struck by lightening.
posted by Glenn at 6:59 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home