Beauty and the Beast: The Funny Moments
I recently finished a run of "Beauty and the Beast" at the Palace. Amazing show, with some mind-blowing special effects. It also marked the longest run I’ve ever done for a show…13 performances in all, over 3 weekends. Here are some of the funnier moments:
Audition chuckles
(Glenn files into the audition room with 6 other people. He looks over his music, preparing for his audition. Currently on the hot spot is a guy with a pretty deep voice, singing "Corner of the Sky" from "Pippin.")
Glenn: (to himself) Huh. Pretty low voice… (looks up)…oh…it’s a woman! Ahem. Um, but why is she singing a male song…? Actually, I think I know the answer to that one.
Something rotten in the dressing room…
(Walking down the hall, Glenn spots his dressing room.)
Glenn: Hey, cool, a shower! (sniffs) Man, something reeks. (leans down to the shower drain) Yuck! Smells like a sewer! Nasty!
Actor sharing the room with me: PU!!!!
Glenn: Tell me about it.
(the next night)
Actor sharing the room with me: I brought a scented candle.
Costume designer: No open flames in the dressing room!
Actor sharing the room with me: Either look the other way or we’re changing in the girls’ room cuz it smells like sh*t in here!
Costume designer: (sighs) Fine. God, I hate the plumbing in this town.
That ain’t beer…
(During the "Gaston" number, all actors did some schtick with beer mugs, banging them together in a rhythmic fashion. Only, at the dress rehearsal, when they all clinked mugs together, fluid came splashing out of them all, dousing the actors.)
Director: Hold! Please don’t put water in the mugs!
"Gaston": Uh…this ain’t water…is there a leak in the smoke machine or something…?
Other actors: Eeeeeeewwwwww!
Who says actors are all about sex? - pt 1
(TRIVIA: When professional actors wear microphone packs, they wrap them in condoms. They are designed to be gentle on the skin and they protect the packs from sweat and body oils.)
Actor (shouting down the hall on opening night): I need a condom!
Another actor: Don’t we all!
Dancing woes
Director: I need polka dancers for this scene. Glenn, can you polka?
Glenn: (as "Dolly" flashbacks fill my head) Um…not so much, no.
Who says actors are all about sex? - pt 2
(During the break of an intense rehearsal, Glenn walks into the back room to find three guys standing around laughing and one girl holding an ice pack to her crotch)
Actress: I pulled a groin muscle!
Glenn: Um…from the dancing, right?
Actress: Huh?
Glenn: Well, I mean, there’s three guys standing here laughing and you’ve got ice on your…you know what? Never mind.
Like butter…
Costume designer: Here you go, Glenn, this is your costume for the "enchanted objects" scene.
(hands Glenn a large, yellow, rectangular suit…)
Glenn: Uh…I’ll bite…what is it?
Costume designer: It’s butter.
Glenn: Butter?
Costume designer: Yeah, butter.
Glenn: Well, I’m making a "character decision" to be "I Can’t Believe it’s not Butter." Hope that’s alright.
(moments after the first dress rehearsal)
Costume designer: Glenn, we’re changing your costume. That butter looks dumb.
(hands Glenn a silver suit, with a spoon head attached to the back)
Costume designer: Now you’re going to be –
Glenn: Lemme guess. A spoon?
Costume designer: Yup.
Glenn: Hey, can I cut slits in the spoon head and be a "spork"?
Costume designer: No.
Who hasn’t done this?
While the "enchanted objects" wait to make their entrance, suddenly one of the actresses dashes off in horror:
Actress: I forgot my "cheese grater" costume!!!
Glenn: Ha! Cheese grater! Who’s the toilet plunger?
Set pieces moved, with a vengeance
(One of the background sets is "Belle’s House" and it gets flown in (i.e. a crew member pulls the ropes to lower it onto the stage). This happens during the Narrator’s opening monologue)
Narrator: Once upon time, in a far away land, a young prince lived in a massive castle…
(SLAM!!!!!!!!!!!)
(everyone turns to the crew member)
Crew member: (sheepish) Sorry. Spike was in the wrong place…guess I don’t have to lower it so much, huh? (chuckles nervously)
Where there’s smoke…
(As the show nears its end, Belle utters the fateful words "I love you", thus breaking the spell and transforming the Beast back into a prince. Glenn stands offstage to watch the "transformation scene.")
Glenn (as smoke starts to pour around him): Huh…(cough)…what the…(cough, cough)…um, hello? (cough) We’ve got a fire somewhere…!
Actor: It’s the smoke machine, dumbass! Move away from it!
Glenn: I knew that. (cough)
Audition chuckles
(Glenn files into the audition room with 6 other people. He looks over his music, preparing for his audition. Currently on the hot spot is a guy with a pretty deep voice, singing "Corner of the Sky" from "Pippin.")
Glenn: (to himself) Huh. Pretty low voice… (looks up)…oh…it’s a woman! Ahem. Um, but why is she singing a male song…? Actually, I think I know the answer to that one.
Something rotten in the dressing room…
(Walking down the hall, Glenn spots his dressing room.)
Glenn: Hey, cool, a shower! (sniffs) Man, something reeks. (leans down to the shower drain) Yuck! Smells like a sewer! Nasty!
Actor sharing the room with me: PU!!!!
Glenn: Tell me about it.
(the next night)
Actor sharing the room with me: I brought a scented candle.
Costume designer: No open flames in the dressing room!
Actor sharing the room with me: Either look the other way or we’re changing in the girls’ room cuz it smells like sh*t in here!
Costume designer: (sighs) Fine. God, I hate the plumbing in this town.
That ain’t beer…
(During the "Gaston" number, all actors did some schtick with beer mugs, banging them together in a rhythmic fashion. Only, at the dress rehearsal, when they all clinked mugs together, fluid came splashing out of them all, dousing the actors.)
Director: Hold! Please don’t put water in the mugs!
"Gaston": Uh…this ain’t water…is there a leak in the smoke machine or something…?
Other actors: Eeeeeeewwwwww!
Who says actors are all about sex? - pt 1
(TRIVIA: When professional actors wear microphone packs, they wrap them in condoms. They are designed to be gentle on the skin and they protect the packs from sweat and body oils.)
Actor (shouting down the hall on opening night): I need a condom!
Another actor: Don’t we all!
Dancing woes
Director: I need polka dancers for this scene. Glenn, can you polka?
Glenn: (as "Dolly" flashbacks fill my head) Um…not so much, no.
Who says actors are all about sex? - pt 2
(During the break of an intense rehearsal, Glenn walks into the back room to find three guys standing around laughing and one girl holding an ice pack to her crotch)
Actress: I pulled a groin muscle!
Glenn: Um…from the dancing, right?
Actress: Huh?
Glenn: Well, I mean, there’s three guys standing here laughing and you’ve got ice on your…you know what? Never mind.
Like butter…
Costume designer: Here you go, Glenn, this is your costume for the "enchanted objects" scene.
(hands Glenn a large, yellow, rectangular suit…)
Glenn: Uh…I’ll bite…what is it?
Costume designer: It’s butter.
Glenn: Butter?
Costume designer: Yeah, butter.
Glenn: Well, I’m making a "character decision" to be "I Can’t Believe it’s not Butter." Hope that’s alright.
(moments after the first dress rehearsal)
Costume designer: Glenn, we’re changing your costume. That butter looks dumb.
(hands Glenn a silver suit, with a spoon head attached to the back)
Costume designer: Now you’re going to be –
Glenn: Lemme guess. A spoon?
Costume designer: Yup.
Glenn: Hey, can I cut slits in the spoon head and be a "spork"?
Costume designer: No.
Who hasn’t done this?
While the "enchanted objects" wait to make their entrance, suddenly one of the actresses dashes off in horror:
Actress: I forgot my "cheese grater" costume!!!
Glenn: Ha! Cheese grater! Who’s the toilet plunger?
Set pieces moved, with a vengeance
(One of the background sets is "Belle’s House" and it gets flown in (i.e. a crew member pulls the ropes to lower it onto the stage). This happens during the Narrator’s opening monologue)
Narrator: Once upon time, in a far away land, a young prince lived in a massive castle…
(SLAM!!!!!!!!!!!)
(everyone turns to the crew member)
Crew member: (sheepish) Sorry. Spike was in the wrong place…guess I don’t have to lower it so much, huh? (chuckles nervously)
Where there’s smoke…
(As the show nears its end, Belle utters the fateful words "I love you", thus breaking the spell and transforming the Beast back into a prince. Glenn stands offstage to watch the "transformation scene.")
Glenn (as smoke starts to pour around him): Huh…(cough)…what the…(cough, cough)…um, hello? (cough) We’ve got a fire somewhere…!
Actor: It’s the smoke machine, dumbass! Move away from it!
Glenn: I knew that. (cough)
posted by Glenn at 6:18 PM
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