Want advice?

Since I'm having a hard time coming up with a new blog entry, I decided to borrow one. The following is an archived letter to advice columnist Ann Landers. I can give advice as well as anyone. What do you think?

Dear Ann Landers:

I've been dating a man for over two years. "Ralph" is 28 and lives at home. He has a successful business and makes good money. The problem is that he has lived with his divorced mother since he was 8 years old. I sometimes get the odd feeling that their relationship is unhealthy.

I don't have any valid reason for this, and it could be I'm imagining things. But recently, when I was in his house, curiosity got the better of me, and I snooped in his bureau drawers and found several naked pictures of him, and he was obviously aroused. I also found pornographic magazines with pictures of women over 40. Should I be worried? Ralph is a great guy, and I don't want to mess up our relationship for no reason.

"Louise" in New York

Ann Landers responded as follows:

Dear New York:

It could be that Ralph is having an incestuous relationship with his mother, but even if he isn't, there is definitely something kinky about the fellow. The nude photos of him are certainly a red flag. You will have to confess to Ralph that you snooped. Be open with him about your feelings of uneasiness, and listen carefully to what he has to say. If, after a frank discussion about your misgivings, you are still uncertain, I say dump him.

Glenn responds as follows:

Lived with his mother since he was 8? Ever see the movie "Psycho"? Run, Louise, run!! Head for the hills!! Though, actually, wait a minute...you said he makes good money. How much are we talking about? Hmmm, this one's a toughie. Nah, you got me, I got nothing. Sorry.

Hope my advice has been helpful.

The Tourist (Philadelphia, PA and NYC, NY)

This past weekend, I let myself get into full blown tourist mode. I was in Philadelphia, PA and New York City, NY. Lots to see in both places. It wasn't too long ago that I was in Philly, but it's been quite a while since I was in Manhattan. So, you asked for it, you got it. (Well, you didn't ask, but I'm giving it to you anyway.) Here's a list of all the places I went (and things I saw), of course with my usual editorials.

PHILADELPHIA, PA

CONSTITUTION CENTER - Very cool. The history of the Constitution just comes alive. One of the exhibits asks the question "Should we have a national ID card for US citizens?", to which a very nice person wrote in response "Sure, and while you're at it, why don't you slap a tatoo on my ass?" Ah, democracy in action.

THE US MINT - As a little kid outside asked his dad, "Is that where they make money?" Damn straight.

INDEPENDENCE HALL - Where they did what, folks? Come on, you know this one...where they signed the Constitution! Geez, don't you people know anything?

THE LIBERTY BELL - Nice. And unlike plumbers, I love the large crack.

PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART - Yeah, this is the museum with the famous "Rocky steps" out front (for the movie-challenged, these are the steps that Sylvester Stallone runs up during his training montages in the "Rocky" movies.) But, no I didn't "run" them. It was over 100 degrees outside...I walked, thanks! Also took a stroll through the museum. My favorite part is the "armor room", which has suits of armor and weapons from medival times. Who doesn't want a 6-foot long sword that weighs almost 40 pounds?

MORIARTY'S PUB - What, you've never heard of it? Not suprised. This is where we ate lunch. But it was a cool place.

Bottom line: Quite a town. And they got some big-ass apartments for reasonable rents. Sweeeeet.

NEW YORK CITY, NY

TIMES SQUARE - Hooo, baby, talk about a sea of humanity.

MARRIOT HOTEL (in Times Square) - Have I ever seen a nicer hotel? Um, no, don't think so.

TOYS R' US (in Times Square) - Biggest toy store I've ever seen, but sorry, folks...there will never be another "Child World"! (circa 1987).

42nd STREET - Theaters as far as the eye can see. Xanadu!

9th AVENUE - How come this street reeks of urine more than the others? Just wondering.

ST. PATRICK'S CATHEDRAL - Holy Mary, Mother of God, this place is HUGE! Love the monitors that let people in the back see the altar.

TRUMP TOWER - Eh. It's nice, but there's too much gold everywhere. Feels like I'm walking around inside the sun.

CENTRAL PARK - As Peter Griffin would say, "Man, that is freakin' sweet." Saw a woman cradling and cooing at a baby in her arms. Awwwww. Then I got closer and saw that it wasn't a baby, but a tiny little dog. Ewwww! I mean, um...aw, what the hell...awwwwww.

DAVIED LETTERMAN STUDIO - Still funnier than Leno!

THE UNITED NATIONS - The flags that usually fly outside were down. (D'oh!) Oh, and on the way in, I set off the metal detector with 50 cents in my pocket. Oops.

PROTESTORS (outside the UN) - I learned the following: a) China treats its people like crap b) Israel and Palenstine don't get along, and c) we should get the hell out of Iraq. "And knowing is half the battle!"

UN MISSION BUILDINGS - When you step inside any of these buildings, you're no longer on US soil. (i.e., walk in the Korea mission building, and you're technically in Korea.) Fess up, you didn't know that.

GRAND CENTRAL STATION - If Times Square is a sea of humanity, this was....um, well it was also a sea, I guess.

A "DOMINICAN DAY" PARADE - So THAT'S why I saw a zillion Dominican flags all morning. Funniest scene, as we were trying to cross the street:

Me: Can we cross here?
NYC Cop: Well, you're not supposed to, but everyone else is. (gestures to the street, and sure enough, people are crossing the street)
Me: Ok.
NYC Cop: Go ahead.
Me: Thanks, man. (Keep up the good police work, boys!)

A HASIDIC JEW, AN ARAB-LOOKING GUY and an INDIAN GUY ALL CROSSING THE STREET TOGETHER - Sounds like the start of a joke, doesn't it?

Bottom line: What a city. Defintely never boring. But I do have one question for the ladies: How the hell can you walk around Manhatten in 3-inch (or 4-inch!) high heels?? Amazing.